Sit on Your Hands: A Parenting Strategy for Raising Independent Kids

I can remember the first time I tried feeding my daughter (baby #1) solid foods for the first time. I was terrified. Something that is as natural as eating seemed like a daunting task. I had a more experienced mom friend and neighbor who had already been through this stage with her son, and she was confident she could help me be more comfortable. As she made perfect slices of kiwi per the Solid Starts handbook (highly recommend for new moms!), she told me to “sit on my hands” so I could physically suppress my natural desire to intervene and feed her.

I literally had to do it, as I watched my more than capable daughter take her first few bites of solid foods and feed herself.

Applying “Sit on Your Hands” to Everyday Parenting

Fast forward 4 years later, and I apply this thought a lot during my day-to-day with my kids. We routinely enjoy taking walks, and this week my daughter was fully committed to walking the dog—gasp!

A 40-pound almost-4-year-old vs. a rough-and-tumble retriever of over 70 lbs…I did not think this was going to be a good idea. But as she continued to insist she was capable and wanted to try, I gave in.

I taught her how to hold the leash, guide him with words, and pull on the leash to make him go different directions. She nailed it—and has walked him every day since. 

Why It’s Hard to Let Kids Do Things on Their Own

As parents, our instinct is to protect. We want to step in, prevent harm, and make sure things are done “the right way.” But doing everything for our kids robs them of the chance to build:

• Confidence – Kids learn they can do hard things.
• Problem-solving skills – Mistakes teach them how to adjust and try again.
• Independence – Small responsibilities prepare them for bigger ones later in life.

Practical Ways to “Sit on Your Hands”

If you’re a parent who struggles to let go (I get it—I’m right there with you!), here are a few moments where you can practice this idea with your littles:

• Feeding – Let them self-feed, even if it gets messy.
• Chores – Give them age-appropriate jobs like watering plants or feeding pets.
• Outdoor Play – Resist the urge to hover on the playground.
• Problem Solving – When they get stuck, ask guiding questions instead of jumping in with the answer.
• Timing Matters – If your child is learning a new skill, don’t start when you’re pressed for time. Give them the space to try without pressure. If you’re short on time, let them know you’ll come back to it together when you can slow down and coach them through it.

The Takeaway

It’s not easy to watch our kids stumble or struggle. But if we always step in, they never get the chance to discover what they’re truly capable of. The next time you feel the urge to take over, try it: sit on your hands, take a deep breath, and give your child space to grow.

You may be surprised at how much they can do when you simply let them try.

Disclaimer: This content reflects personal parenting experiences and general guidance. Consult a qualified professional for medical advice.